It is past 4 A.M. on a Friday morning here in Vegas.
Around this time, a lot of people are either getting home from the club, gambling, or having a good time at Drai’s, Tao, or one of the many popular spots on The Strip.
Me? I’m sitting in my room, thinking about a lot of things.
I remember starting this blog just last year and I had no clue what the fuck to do with it. I kept trying to figure out what it is that I wanted to do. Should I write about primarily fashion? Nah. How about music? Everyone does that, including me. Celebrity gossip? Too much. Then, it came to me: write about shit that I know about. News period.
Lately, everything has been feeling a mixture of happiness and anger. One minute I get a brand new opportunity for something great. The next I have to worry about how I am not getting enough or even the things that I want.
Then, I stopped and think about the conversation I had with my mom recently about how I don’t work hard enough for what I want. I told her this because I constantly think about how I want to be able to have so much for myself and how I want to be able to live the life I want to have, but that I don’t.
The one thing she told me was this: “You’re not grinding hard enough.” Like always, she is right.
I constantly don’t push myself because I am constantly thinking about a lot of things. One minute it’s about how I want to do one thing. Then, my mind drifts off into how I want to build an empire. The next? Taking over the world.
Not to mention I’m lazy at finishing things (sometimes) and I procrastinate, which is not a good thing. (Ladies and gents, DO NOT PROCRASTINATE!!)
I want to be able to have a life of life, love, and luxury.
But, it’s not for me, though. It’s for my family.
For those who know me, my mother is someone who is a hard worker, as well as someone who also works at a law firm. She is the definition of a hustler.
But, sometimes I feel like I’m not doing enough because she doesn’t have the things she deserves in life.
But, back to the point at hand, it’s not easy trying to motivate yourself to do something you started, including starting a blog and not sticking to the reasons why you began it in the first place.
I started this blog in 2014 because I not only have a love – hate relationship with writing, but I want people to hear my stories and be able to get a feel for what I am saying and get a first-hand look into my life rather than people thinking I have 5,000 Gucci heels sitting in my closet right now and that I live in Beverly Hills next to a celebrity. (At least for people that don’t know me, personally.)
Does that mean I am gonna stop hustling for my family and myself? Hell no! It’s a part of me to hustle, mothafuckaaaaaaaas!!
BUT, life isn’t THAT horrible.
Like I said in the beginning, I’ve been getting a lot of opportunities for many of things. And to be quite honest: it feels DAMN GOOD. It’s the best feeling in the world to have someone to want to work with YOU based on many of things as well as getting opportunities to make more money not only for myself, but for my family.
Seeing the blessings I’ve been getting also lets me know that I have to do what I can for my family too. They are a HUGE part of who I am and who I am trying to become. I may not show it always, but I do love my family. I work hard for them. I want to see them living well and doing things that they have never done before. If that means sacrificing a few things here and there for the people I love, so be it.
I’ve always told myself that I am going to work my ass off to make sure that I get successful for myself and my family. So far, it’s happening.
I’m not gonna lie: it does suck whenever I see that I am not doing the things I want to do and live the life I want. But, that doesn’t mean that I am gonna stop until I see my name in flashing lights.
In other words: WAAAAAAY UP I FEEL BLESSED. (Riley Curry voice)
So, now that I’ve written this long post about what is going on with me, it’s time for me to dream.
Night world. -deuces emoji-